Diane Bolden’s Synchronistically Speaking

“Unless you try to do something beyond what you have already mastered, you will never grow.”   ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

When was the last time you stretched yourself? I mean literally, physically stretched yourself?

It wasn’t that long ago that I had trouble touching my toes. I started doing yoga, and in one of the classes I attended we were asked to bend our bodies in a somewhat unusual way. The instructor effortlessly folded herself in half while I leaned slightly forward and came to an abrupt halt. It wasn’t really pain that I experienced as much as plain old discomfort. I wanted this part of the class to be over.

We were told to relax and breathe. Everything inside of me resisted even the idea of this crazy position that was the furthest thing from what I thought I or any other reasonable human being would consider restful. My muscles were tense and my body felt like it was in a knot. But I did my best to follow the directions – relax and breathe into it.

And as I did, a funny thing happened. After a short time, my muscles seemed to soften in spite of themselves, and I found myself gradually dropping more deeply into the stretch. The longer I held it, the (dare I say?) better it felt, until I was actually kind of enjoying this strange new sensation.

And then the thought occurred to me that this whole process is analogous to doing something – anything – that takes us out of our comfort zone.

We see something that beckons, perhaps something that we know will be good for us, and yet we resist. Often we move tentatively into it and then hit a wall of discomfort. In this discomfort a myriad of unsettling thoughts and fears barrage us – “I’m no good at this…,” “this was a bad idea…” “I’m wasting my time…” and on and on. And the resistance itself seems to intensify the discomfort. We tighten up, literally and figuratively, and block ourselves from moving into the experience.

But if we can remain patient and open – if we can allow ourselves this initial period of discomfort and stay present with it, relaxing into it and breathing through it, we might be surprised at the results we experience. Think of the last time you tried something really different – something new and exciting and kind of terrifying all at the same time. If you stayed with it despite your initial resistance, chances are that over time the discomfort gave way to exhilaration and over more time, perhaps deep gratification. And the longer you kept at it, the easier and more satisfying it became.

We are all capable of so much more than we realize, and I believe now more than ever we are beginning to see that that it is time for us to stand taller, to reach higher, and to be willing to open ourselves up to allow our greatest work to emerge. Do not be fooled into thinking that going outside of your comfort zone is merely a self serving exercise that can wait until you have more confidence or time. In fact, there is no better way to increase your confidence than by taking this kind of action in spite of your fear and discomfort. This kind of courageous exploration enriches not only ourselves, but everyone around us who will surely benefit from the gifts we uncover and give form to. When we shrink, we cheat more than just ourselves. And when we expand, we allow ourselves to truly lead – in whatever form that leadership will take.

As leaders, we cannot expect others to stretch themselves if we are not willing to do it first. We must allow ourselves to be humbled and vulnerable so that we can identify with and understand the experiences we ask others to participate in. And we need to be patient and supportive with them as they encounter and work through their own forms of resistance.

What can you do today to stretch yourself out of your comfort zone? And how can you apply what you learn to make you a stronger, more influential and transformational leader?

The above article contains excerpts from my book, The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be, available on Amazon.com and BarnesandNoble.com.

Photo by Ambro.

Leadership & Limbo Land

Yesterday I had a conversation with an exceptionally talented leader who went to great lengths to take on a flailing high profile project because he wanted to turn it around.    He explained his desire to continue onto new frontiers of increasingly difficult and expansive initiatives with the simple statement of, “you know, if you aren’t growing you’re dying.” 

Earlier this week, someone sent me an email containing a quote by Jack Canfield who said “Everything you want is outside your comfort zone.”   I had to stop and think about that one, because I wasn’t sure I agreed with it initially.  Lots of things I want are in my comfort zone because – well, they make me feel comfortable.  I made it through that initial period where I didn’t really know what I was doing and finally arrived at the place where I could successfully perform with a minimum of effort. 

But if I’m really honest with myself, I have to say that what beckons to me is outside of my comfort zone.  It is that which I dream about but am not sure how to do – the off road adventures that diverge from the paved path I have become accustomed to traveling.  And there’s danger there – real or perceived, the wheels could come off and I might find myself stranded and quite uncomfortable. 

But as I look back at my life, I realize that those periods of discomfort preceded some of the greatest accomplishments and most gratifying turns my life has taken.  In talking with others, I find many feel the same.  Some of us, like the leader I talked with yesterday, regularly seek out new growth.  Others find that it is ushered in via a variety of doors that seem to be closing and opening or a period of heightened dissatisfaction or restlessness that leads them to ponder what’s next.

Over the last few weeks and months it seems many of my clients have either experienced or are on the brink of undertaking dramatic changes in their lives and careers that will give way to entirely new worlds of possibility and unchartered territory.  I can relate to them, as I feel I am transitioning between two worlds myself – one that is known, predictable, and somewhat effortless and another that feels daunting, overwhelming and mysteriously promising.  I call this place limbo land. 

Limbo land is akin to chaos.  Merriam Webster defines chaos as “a state of things in which chance is supreme; the confused unorganized state of primordial matter before the creation of distinct forms.”  I suppose it is what the caterpillar experiences in the cocoon as everything it has once been completely dissolves to become something entirely new.  It is a period of undoing and non-doing that flies in the face of everything we are accustomed to.  Rather than moving full speed ahead, it is a time for reflection, integration and renewal. 

Yoga instructors often reiterate that it is the four to five minutes of a pose called Shivasana at the end of the class that are the most important.  During this time, the fifty to seventy minutes of engaging and stretching muscles give way to a period of laying flat on your back, letting go of everything and allowing your body to melt into the floor.  It is during this time that all the benefits of the previous activity take root.

As the year comes to an end, we see this practice in nature.  Many trees have lost their leaves and the grass and plants – even our hair grows slower.  Various animals hibernate.  It’s a great time to slow down long enough to look back over the year and reflect on where it has taken us and how it has prepared us for what lies ahead.  As we take stock of all that we have mastered, we can begin to give heed to that which is glimmering on the horizon and honor the ways in which we ourselves are evolving.   From this period of thoughtful reflection, we can revel in the progress we have made and ready ourselves for the adventures to come.

Copyright Synchronistics Coaching & Consulting 2009.  All rights reserved.

If you liked this post, you may also enjoy A Leader’s Leap and It’s a Stretch.  Download these and other articles for free at www.DianeBolden.com/articles.  While you are there, you can subscribe to receive a new feature article each month.  You will also receive my free report on 10 Traps Leaders Unwittingly Create for Themselves – and How to Avoid Them.