Diane Bolden’s Synchronistically Speaking

Are you at your wits end in your job, career, relationship, life in general? Experiencing delays, frustration, confusion, and even a little fear? Well, you might be closer to achieving something amazing than you think.

My last post, On the Verge of Transformation, featured an interview with a caterpillar.  The above video continues the play by play in the life of a caterpillar, only this time from the inside of the cocoon (or chrysalis, if you want to be technically correct). I hope you enjoy it!

Here’s what I said in the video:

My daughter has this butterfly pavilion that we’ve been raising butterflies in. It’s been days since all the other chrysalises hatched.  In fact, we let nine butterflies go out in the garden the other day.  But there’s one that’s still in there, in its cocoon.  We look at it every day hoping that we’ll catch it as its just emerging and it’s still in there.

I know it’s not dead because when I push on the side of the habitat, the chrysalis shakes gently, which is something that I learned they do to ward off predators. And, I can’t help but think how often we feel this way:  we’re in this cocoon, there’s all kinds of change that’s happening, we’re not really sure which direction is up, and we’re the last one. For some of us, it takes longer than others.

If you’re feeling like you’re stuck in the cocoon, I think it’s probably very uncommon.  And uncomfortable.

I read a story about a man who actually saw a butterfly trying to get out of the cocoon and used scissors to try to gently help the butterfly out. The butterfly fell out of the cocoon and it’s body was small and shriveled.  It just kind of stumbled around on the ground and was finally just still.

What this man learned later was that to get out of the cocoon, the butterfly has to encounter the resistance. In the act of bumping up and busting out of the cocoon, the butterfly’s body fills up with fluid that it needs in order to spread its wings and be free and to turn into the beautiful creature that it is.

It’s such a great reminder to us that just when we feel things are at their darkest, and everything’s closing in and you just can’t take another minute of it — maybe that’s when we’re the closest to actually being ready to bust out. And maybe instead of thinking of all the resistance as overwhelming and exhausting, we can think of it as that final push we need to give in order to just break through into something wonderful that’s just been waiting for us.

For more on change and transformation:

The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be (book) 

Busting Out of the Box (workshop)

 On the Verge of Transformation

Taking Your Leap, Part I & Part II

Bridging the Gap Between No More and Not Yet

Are You at a Crossroads?

Crazy businessman picture by Stephane Durocher from Dreamstime.

Do you ever feel like you are in the middle of some kind of transformation, but not yet clear on exactly where you are going and what form things are going to take?  Speaking from my own experience, it can be a bit unnerving when you are in the thick of it.  You may feel as though you’ll never find your way through. 

They say it helps to find inspiration from those who have gone before you.  On that note, the above video, On the Verge of Transformation, features an interview with a caterpillar.  I hope you enjoy it.

Here is what I said in the video:

These live caterpillars came in the mail the other day.  My daughter is going to start a butterfly habitat.  And when they arrived they were really little — teeny, tiny things.  Just a couple of days ago, they started climbing up to the top.  You might be able to see, they are starting to hang from the lid. 

And I found myself staring at these guys the other day as they were still caterpillars crawling around, wondering if they had any idea what is going to happen to them — that their whole life as they know it is going to end — and if they felt fear.  And I wonder, if I could interview a little caterpillar, what would it tell me if I said,

“Hey, do you have any fear about what’s going to happen to you?”

He’d probably look at me and say “Why would I have fear?”

“Because everything you know is about to end.” 

And he’d probably say, “Says who?”

And if I said, “But you have no idea what’s going to happen!”

And he could say, “Neither do you.”

And look, they are totally surrendered.  If ever there was a position of surrender, it would be hanging upside down while your entire body dissolves into mucus and nothingness and is completely reconstituted — and then to have to find your way out of the chrysalis all on your own.  And yet, they do it all the time.  It’s part of nature.  And they have no fear. 

The thought occurred to me that we are always going through our process all the time too.  And we get scared, because we have stories about all the things we are going to lose and all the stuff we are going to suffer at.  Yet, maybe we can take a cue from the caterpillar.  Maybe I can have a little bit of comfort and faith in knowing that just totally surrendering to the process could result in something fantastic and beyond anything I ever could have imagined.

For more on change and transformation:

The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be (book) 

Busting Out of the Box (workshop)

 Taking Your Leap, Part I & Part II

Bridging the Gap Between No More and Not Yet

Are You at a Crossroads?

Photo by Colin Stitt from Dreamstime.

Are you on the verge of something big?   Contemplating a change?  Or in the midst of one?  Ready to light it up and blow the lid off what you’ve previously been able to do — and lead others to do the same?

If so, chances are good that you have encountered RESISTANCE.  It might feel like you keep hitting walls or even like the walls are closing in on you.  Those walls are part of a box surrounding you that keeps you from your greatest work. 

But with a lot of willingness and a little help, YOU CAN BUST THROUGH IT!

If you are a business professional in a formal or informal leadership position that is ready to bust through your box and lead others do the same, check out my new program, Busting Out of the Box.  It combines three of the most powerful learning formats that I know of and that my clients have told me they’ve benefitted most from, and it will be custom tailored to fit the unique needs of each small group of five to eight people who participate…

1. Personalized One on One Coaching Kickoff
2. Interactive Five Hour Small Group Workshop (to be held in the Phoenix area) 
3. Four Ongoing 90 Minute Group Mastermind Sessions
4. Follow up Individualized, Personalized Coaching

WHAT WILL YOU GAIN BY PARTICIPATING?

• Breakthrough results
• Issue resolution
• Individualized attention
• Group synergy
• Focus, accountability and support
• A copy of The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be

For more information, go to www.BustingOutoftheBox.com.  For dates, times and locations, call (602) 889-2329.

This post is the second in a two part article on listening to and answering your call to greatness.  (Click here for Part I.)  It is also an excerpt from my new book, The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be.

If you are ready to take your leap, I invite you to call me at (602) 889-2329 for a complimentary coaching session to see how I can support you through your transformation. Next week, I’ll post information about a new program I am rolling out specifically designed to help you bust through the barriers that keep you from your greatest work. 

Taking Your Leap, Part II

Anytime you make a decision to go out of your comfort zone, to do something that is new or unusual for you, you will most likely experience a tinge of fear, hesitation, or anxiety. This fear may lead you to question your ability, your likelihood of succeeding, and the possibility of your demise – whatever that may mean for you. It is essential to realize that this fear is a part of your journey as a leader.

It is not necessary to overcome this fear. The key is to use it in ways that serve you, rather than hold you back. Remember the last time you stood on a high dive? You may have felt flip flops in your stomach or a strange surge of energy through your core. Perhaps you turned around and climbed back down. Or maybe you stepped forward, entered the unknown, and bravely leaped off the board.

After having done it once, depending on your experience, it may have been a bit easier for you to repeat the experience. As leaders, we are repeatedly called to dive into the unknown, in spite of our fears about it. We must use the fear to inform us of the dangers, and to provide us with data that will help us make good decisions. But we must not allow this fear to make our decisions for us.

Having faced our fear and moved forward in spite of it, the experience may be positive or negative. Regardless of the outcome, we must acknowledge the progress we have made. If our experience is less than desirable, we can evaluate it and learn from it. Having had the experience, we are wiser for it – far more than we would be if we simply continued to contemplate taking that leap or safely learn from the experience of others instead. And if we are successful, we can build on this experience and use it as a platform for further growth.

There will always be an abundance of people who will tell you why things cannot be done, what there is to fear, and why it is just not worth the risk. Let them speak, but do not be swayed by their doubt. It is based on their own experience of the world, not yours. If you are to lead, you must set the example for others so that they can see that even when you take a risk and fail, you have moved forward and began progress in a direction that would have otherwise been stunted. If you believe you cannot succeed, you may be right. But if you believe you can, you are halfway there.

When was the last time you took a risk to experience something that has been calling to you – something that you know in your heart is for your highest good (and that of others as well)? What happened when you did? What did you learn? And how have you grown as a result?

What is calling to you now? And what small, sweet step can you take to bring you closer to experiencing the exhilaration of moving bravely in a direction that might just take you and others around you to a new level of mastery?

For more on taking your leap:

The Pinocchio Principle:  Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be

Bridging the Gap Between No More and Not Yet

Are You at a Crossroads?

Jumping Man image by Kashak from Bigstock.com, 2011.  Diving Board Image by Carrie Owens from Bigstock.com, 2007.  

This week’s post is the first of a two part article on listening to and answering your call to greatness. It is also an excerpt from my new book, The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be. If you are ready to take your leap, I invite you to call me at (602) 889-2329 for a complimentary coaching session to see how I can support you through your transformation. Stay tuned to hear more about a new program I am getting ready to roll out specifically designed to help you bust through the barriers that keep you from your greatest work.

Taking Your Leap, Part I

The call to something bigger is often ushered in by a period of discomfort, where one slowly begins to realize that the outer world does not match the inner one. We may begin to feel a sort of incongruence accompanied by increasing awareness of our current course of events and what it is all for. A greater purpose looms in the background, but the way things are set up doesn’t quite allow that vision to live. And so it is time for a change.

Some call this an awakening. Others call it a crisis. It is a doorway to greater meaning and contribution, and the beginning of a transformation that happens from the inside out.

The above video is about a recent meeting I had with a client who is at his own crossroads and an answer that came through the meeting that I believe has relevance to anyone who finds themselves in a similar place.   Over the last few weeks it has become increasingly clear that I want to support more people who are ready to answer the call to take things up a notch and choose something bigger for themselves, their teams and organizations. 

I have decided to take on seven additional leadership coaching clients.  If you are ready to get serious about moving forward, I invite you to call me at (602) 889-2329 for a complimentary thirty minute coaching session that will allow both of us to determine whether working together would be a good fit.  I have been told that I should charge for these sessions and at some point I may.  But for now, they are available at no cost.

Stay tuned for info on an intensive program I’m getting ready to launch that will integrate a small group workshop experience with private coaching and a group mastermind.  Or, give me a call and I’ll tell you about it myself.

Here’s what I said in the video:

I had a meeting with a client the other day that made a really big impact on me because he is in a place I find myself in.  And I think a lot of us are in it.  It’s what I call Limbo Land.  Limbo Land is the place you get to where everything you’ve done up until now worked beautifully.  You could think yourself through any situation.  You’ve mastered your craft.  Maybe you’ve had a lot of education or training, and several promotions and by all appearances seem to have arrived.  And yet nothing is working. Things are falling apart. 

And the more you do what you’ve always done, not only the less effective you are, but the less happy and satisfied you are.  It is a point of pain that causes you to want more.   And what causes even more pain — I saw it in my client and I see it in myself — is wanting to move forward using everything that got you where you are and realizing that it is not working anymore. 

Photo by Sean Kearney

So, the question is, how do you get from here to wherever it is you are supposed to go next?  And the frustrating thing about that is that when you are in Limbo Land is that you have NO IDEA where you are supposed to go next.  You just know that it is somewhere different than where you are now.  And it is beckoning.

Now, that’s the exciting part about it:  there’s something that is beckoning.  And when you get out of the fear, you can start to feel the exhilaration of it, which is where my client started to go yesterday.  I found myself getting really excited for him – and really excited for myself.  Because what’s just around the corner, I think, is going to blow our minds.  We just can’t figure out how to get there.

SO, in the absence of the answers, what I’m beginning to understand and rely on is that we can go do desire.   The desire is about what we want.  What do we want to move toward? 

I’m finding that what excites me about moving forward is not doing things for myself anymore.  Because everything I did up to a certain point was about getting ME successful, to get ME well known, to propel MYSELF.  And it’s not enough anymore.  I want to do something that is going to help other people in some way.  I have no idea what that’s going to be.  And that’s exactly where my client is too.  It’s scary as hell.  But you know, if I can just stay in the place of what would it feel like to get there, that might be enough to help me overcome my fear, and to power on and to do something I never realized I could do.  

How about you?

Are you at a crossroads in your life or your career?  Do you feel like something amazing is ready to bust through but not sure exactly what it is, or how it will take form?  Does it scare you?

Do you find that things you used to be really good at are no longer satisfying or even interesting?  Have you been daydreaming or even just longing for something different but not sure where to start?  It might feel disconcerting and even overwhelming.  Maybe you think you need to change jobs or even careers.  Or perhaps you just feel you need a change of scene – different projects, new challenges, new opportunities.  You might have already experienced some kind of significant change and are still reeling from it, not sure what to do next.

Is there a great idea brewing that you just haven’t had the time (or the courage) to explore?  Is something new and different beckoning?  Perhaps you’ve put it on the backburner and tried to dismiss recurring daydreams to go back to the tried and true, but it just doesn’t seem to work for you anymore.  In fact, it could be becoming downright miserable.  And though you continue to resist the feeling that there’s got to be more than this, you can’t help but wonder if it might be true.   

If any of this resonates with you, you are on the verge of an exciting, energizing, transformation.    But it may or may not feel exciting and energizing.  Right now it could just be disconcerting and uncomfortable.  And you may not know exactly what to do about it.

What if you were not alone?

Would it help to know that many people are feeling the same way?  Some of them have just quit their jobs because they were miserable.  Some have been laid off.  Others are at the pinnacles of their careers, by all appearances wildly successful but dying on the inside.   Some are at the helms of corporations or large organizations, wanting to take things in new, exciting directions but not sure where to go or how to get there.  Others are inside organizations, acutely aware of what is possible and what is not working, but not sure it is their place to volunteer their thoughts and ideas or fearful that doing so is just too risky.  Still more are entrepreneurs, artists, musicians, writers, and other creative, innovative, and resourceful people that are playing (or wrestling) with the idea of entering unchartered territory.

The good news is, you don’t have to go off the deep end.  Though change is knocking at your door (and may already have come through it), you don’t necessarily have to tear everything down and start over again.  You just need to learn to see things differently – your opportunities, your challenges, your very self.  And you need to learn to tap the reserves and the brilliance that is within you.  Everything you have done up to this point has prepared you for what you are about to do.  The world is waiting for it.

Because you are human, you will resist it.  It may overwhelm you because you can’t figure it out.  As hard as you try to create a solid plan for moving through it and making sense of it, you will most likely continue to be baffled.  Because it is not a matter for your head.  You need to trust in something bigger than that — the same way that great visionaries, inventors, scientists, writers, artists, musicians and leaders have throughout the history of time.      Your head and your ego will create illusions that will terrify you.  They will weigh you down and exhaust you.  Under their influence, you’ll talk yourself out of your greatest ideas, dreams and visions before you can even get your key in the ignition. 

I know this, because I am in the middle of it too.   I have searched everywhere for something that will help me through it.  I have spent more money than I should have on enticing programs that claim to have failsafe methods that lead to success in any endeavor I may want to undertake.  I’ve read the books, I’ve watched the videos and listened to the audios too.  I’ve attended the workshops and conferences.  Some of this has helped me.  But most of it just overwhelmed and frustrated me. 

What has helped me (and is still helping me) is enlisting the support of other people who are in the same place — people who are dreaming and searching and even suffering, people who are knee deep in their own fear and resistance and trudging through it, people who are REAL and not afraid to let others see that they don’t have all the answers but are STILL SHOWING UP, doing what they are called to do each day, and asking powerful questions that get them closer to finding their answers.  These people inspire me.  They support and challenge me.  And they give me the courage to keep at it.

Do you have someone in your life that helps you in that way?  If you don’t, FIND someone.  It isn’t as hard as you think.  Start by being honest with yourself about where you are and what you want.  Challenge the fears and assumptions that keep you from sharing that side of yourself with people.  You may be surprised to find there might be someone right next to you who is feeling the same way you are and will welcome the opportunity to confide in you. 

What I have discovered and rediscovered is that the moment I connect with someone in a similar place that I am in, I become infused with the very wisdom and answers I need myself.  In the act of sharing it with others, I am able to benefit from it too.  Similarly, those I have connected with in the past have unlocked their own wisdom and found their answers as they endeavored to tell me things we both needed to hear. 

Are you at a crossroads in your career or life right now?  Want some support?  Post a comment below.  What’s your biggest challenge?  Your greatest insight?  Your most baffling question? 

If you are ready for more direct support, send me an email (Diane@DianeBolden.com) or give me a call (602-889-2329).  I’m in the midst of creating new programs designed to be of value to people in the midst of transformation.  I’d love to hear from you on what would be most helpful!

For more on being at a crossroads:

The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be
Bouncing Back: Hope for the Hopeless
Miracles in Disguise
Embracing Life’s Uncertainty
Leaping Into the Unknown
From Frustration to Fruition
A Leader’s Blueprint
On the Verge of a New Chapter
Leadership & Limbo Land

A NOTE FROM DIANE:

I almost didn’t post the above video.  It’s personal.  And it was recorded in a fragile moment.  But then I remembered how comforted I have felt by messages from people who were courageous enough to talk about the challenges and frustrations they were working through.  And I decided, the hell with it.  I’m going to put the video up.  If it lifts the hearts of just one or two people, it’ll be worth it.   

If you’ve ever been in a spot where, despite having access to an overwhelming amount of information and people that seem to have it all figured out, you just can’t seem to find any answers — know that you are not alone.  And please also know, that you too will find your way.   

Here is the written version of what I said in the video:

 
People have been asking me, What have you done to promote your book?  Do you have a publicist?  Are you going on tour?

I wrote this book — The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be.  It took me six years to write it.  It’s been out for three months.  And I can’t get myself to promote it.  I can’t get myself to do anything with it.  And I know that I should.

So the other day, I was watching a webcast from someone talking about how to become a best seller — how to become a trusted advisor.  And I began to fill my head with all these things I thought I should be doing.  I found myself taking copious notes.   And I got to this point where I couldn’t watch it anymore.  I had to turn it off.  Something got into me and I literally had to go cry.  And I cried so hard I almost threw up.

After all that passed, I realized that the reason that I can’t promote my book yet is that I’m looking so hard outside of myself for people to tell me what to do in an arena where I don’t feel like I have the answers.  And the irony is that the book I wrote is about how to trust your inner wisdom and how to navigate through your challenges and your uncertainty. 

And so when I got done crying I had to start laughing.  Because it’s kind of funny that I actually already have the workbook I need.  It’s right here [in the book I've poured my heart into for the last six years]. 

The truth of the matter is that this book isn’t really as much for you as it is for me.  And before I can really promote it — before I can feel as though it will be of value to people, I need to live it.  And that’s what I’m going to do.

For more on finding your way:

Finding Your Answer in the Midst of Chaos
From Frustration to Fruition
Leading Through Uncertainty
Embracing Life’s Uncertainty
Enduring a Stormy State of Mind
The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be

The video above was born of a desire to capture not only the feeling of frustration and chaos, but also a way to rise above it .  Below is a transcript of what I said (minus the demonstration). And at the end of the transcript are links to other resources on finding answers in the midst of chaos.

Do you ever get so frustrated that you can’t take it anymore?  Find yourself in a situation where you have NO IDEA what to do?  So mad.  All you want to do is get away.  You want to leave.  You want to escape.  But you can’t.  You’re stuck.  And the more you panic, the tighter everything gets.  The more trapped you feel.  The more angry you are.  And it gets worse.  And WORSE.

Maybe it’s a conflict — a difficult conversation.  Maybe someone just dropped a bomb on you — gave you feedback that was kind of painful.  Or maybe someone just told you to get your project done in a day instead of a week.  Maybe the rug just got pulled out from under you.  Who knows?

We have this every day.  I have this.  And the more I resist, the more I LOSE IT.  I lose my head.  I lose touch with anything that might help me get out of the situation.

But you know what?  Maybe, instead of trying to GET AWAY and make things happen just the way WE want them to, we can just relax, take a deep breath, reconnect, take another look and realize…  Hey, you know what?  It’s not as bad as I thought. I was making a lot of stuff up when I was panicking.  But when I look at it and relax — when I connect, I realize I have everything I need.

And then, I find my answer.  And so will you.

For more information on finding answers in the midst of chaos:

Miracles in Disguise
From Frustration to Fruition
Embracing Life’s Uncertainty
Busting Out of the Box
Enduring a Stormy State of Mind
Embracing Life’s Uncertainty
The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be

Have you experienced a disappointment or setback in your recent past that left you reeling? Have you found it difficult to get excited about things and maybe even felt like you needed to make a drastic change in order to bounce back?  If so, this week’s video post is just for you.  Below is a written version of what is in the video.

If you live in Phoenix, you may have noticed that a lot of shrubbery and trees froze over the winter.  They look like they are dead — all dried up and prickly – ugly.  I have a bougainvillea in my back yard that froze  — not a pretty sight.  It’s tempting to pull the whole thing out.   Because it looks like it is dead.  But I know that it is not, because this has happened in the past. And I know that once we trim all the dead stuff off, in the coming weeks, it will come back fuller and even more beautiful than it was last year.

That bougainvillea is a lot like us.  I think a lot of us have experienced what we would call a freeze in our lives at some point – maybe a layoff, a reorganization, or just having the rug pulled out from under you, where you think that nothing is the way you want it to be and you wonder how you will ever recover.  And I think some of us have been in a freeze for a really long time.  We’ve lost the passion in what we do.  We’ve lost the lightness in our step and maybe things have become a bit of a drudge.

You may think you have to change everything to bounce back, just like you might think you have to pull this tree out.  But really, there is wisdom in realizing that sometimes we have the opportunity to trim the dead stuff away and to recognize that there is something underneath it just waiting to break through.  And the freeze is neither good, nor bad.  It just is.  Whatever it is that may have happened to you or me in our past — it’s not good, it’s not bad — it just is.  What we need to realize that there is something within needing to break though and we have an opportunity to trim away the stuff that isn’t working anymore and have faith that in the spring we will bloom fuller, brighter and bigger than we did before.

For more on bouncing back:

Miracles in Disguise

From Frustration to Fruition

Bringing Leadership to Life

Leading Through Uncertainty

Embracing Life’s Uncertainty

Bouncing Back: Perserverance Personified

Leaping Into the Unknown

The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be