Diane Bolden’s Synchronistically Speaking

“There are two ways to live: you can live as if nothing is a miracle; you can live as if everything is a miracle.”

~ Albert Einstein

I have had a couple of clients over the last several months who unexpectedly lost their jobs after working for over twenty years with the same company.  The funny thing is that both of these people knew they were ready for something greater before it happened.  In our coaching meetings, they would often talk about wanting to strike out in new directions, take on bigger challenges, live and lead in a deeper and bolder ways than before.   And neither of these people would have likely sought out new opportunities if things hadn’t worked out the way they did.   

In the midst of the changes, it’s likely that they both felt as though their universes were falling apart as all that was familiar came to a close and they were thrust into a world where nothing was certain and begin again.  They were brought face to face with the question, “what do I most want for myself now?” and challenged to take action that would lead them in new directions.

More and more it seems people are asking that question with fervor – “What do I most want for myself now?”  Some feel they are ready for new adventures.  Others long for deeper connections with people.  Many just want to experience the same passion for their work and their lives that they did when they were younger – to feel a part of something bigger than themselves – to work at something worth working for, and to bring more of their true talent and gifts into the world. 

And the world needs those talents and gifts more now than ever.  When we come to a place where we are willing to truly open ourselves up to that question of what we most want – we set into motion a series of events that allow us to move closer to the answers we seek.  And sometimes they come in packages that we didn’t anticipate and don’t immediately appreciate. 

But as we look back on our lives, we can begin to see that the very things that frustrated and pushed us to our limits were exactly what we needed to be able to know more about who we are and what we are here to do. 

As I reflect on the myriad of disappointments I’ve experienced over the course of my life, I have begun to appreciate them and even become grateful for them.  I recall jobs and promotions I thought I wanted more than anything that would have kept me from experiences that allowed me to get to where I am now.  I remember times in my life where it seemed the bottom had dropped out that stripped me to my core and required me be honest with myself.  And I also recall people who pushed my buttons, irritated or challenged me in one way or another that led me to exercise courage, patience, tolerance – and in some cases assertiveness – that I needed to develop in myself.

This Thanksgiving, in addition to being grateful for all the many blessings in my life, I find myself grateful for my unanswered prayers – the ones that would have had me going in a direction that wouldn’t have served me or others in quite the same way.  I am grateful for the difficult people in my life, who have challenged me to look at things (including myself) differently and find new ways of relating.  I thank God for the trials I didn’t think I could endure and the resilience and courage I was able to tap into because of them.   And I am grateful that over time I have been able to laugh at the things that happen to me as well as all the people who have been there (or somewhere similar before) who have laughed (and sometimes cried) right along with me.

I am grateful for every client I have ever worked with who has given me the opportunity to learn from their experiences – to see one more example of the strange and wonderful ways that miracles manifest themselves in everyday life. 

I wish for you – and myself – the ability to always appreciate the blessings that constantly surround us – the ones that lift us up as well as the ones that seem to strike us down.   And to open ourselves up to the ways in which every one of them has the transformational power to bring us closer to our most precious dreams and visions.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours. 

My new book, The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be is about getting back to the basics of who you really are, what you are here to accomplish, and how you can leverage your best and worst experiences to unearth your greatness in a way that inspires others to do the same.  It will be released on 1/11/11.      I will also be working with a small group of eight people to lead them through this process (based on the book) as well.  A few spots still remain.  We’ll meet at my office in Phoenix every other Thursday from 11:30am to 1:00pm from 1/13/11 through 6/16/11.  For more information, go to www.DianeBolden.com/AIAL.html.  Contact me at Diane@DianeBolden.com if you are interested in participating.  The cost is $900 ($75 a session) and payment plans are available.

Become a subscriber at  www.DianeBolden.com and receive my free report:  Ten Traps Leaders Unwittingly Set for Themselves…and How to Avoid Them.

Though comments are currently closed, please feel free to email me at Diane@DianeBolden.com with your feedback, questions and thoughts.  Have a specific challenge you’d like to see a post written about?  Let me know.  I’d love to hear from you!

“The key thing to remember is not that we need to be fast but that we are running a race that has no finish line. So the fuel that drives us needs to be made of something substantial — something for the heart that the head can also follow.” 

~ Vincent Kralyevich, American film producer, director, author, art director and composer

Have you ever had an idea that made the hair on your arms stand up?  Maybe it’s a dream that beckons to you – one that holds promise for your future and that of others as well.  When you think of the possibilities, you may find yourself feeling light, energized, and connected to something greater than yourself. 

This is what inspiration feel like. It is buoyant and powerful.  Simple, yet strong.   And it is contagious.  Inspired action tends to touch others in a way that activates something inside of them as well .  It connects them not only to you, but also to themselves.  I like to think of inspiration as a pull – like a magnet that draws us toward something and gives us the power to bridge the gap – even if we aren’t sure exactly how to do it.  Inspiration is something we receive and it comes to us when we are receptive to it.   It requires trust, faith and patience. 

What gets in the way of inspiration is our doubts, fears and faulty assumptions about what we can or cannot do, or what is even possible.  These doubts are like layers of stuff that dilute the magnetic force of inspiration.  Inspiration still beckons to us, but something stands in our way.  This is where motivation comes in.  It is something we summon up inside ourselves to get us to overcome the obstacles that are in front of us.  And as leaders (regardless of your vocation, title or role), it is something we often try to summon up in others to get them to do the same. 

Motivation often takes the form of the carrot or the stick.  What gets us off the dime when we are balled up in our own fear is the willingness – and the will – to take action in spite of it – because of what we have to gain when we do – or what we have to lose if we do not.  Where inspiration is the pull, motivation is the push.   The word motive is derived from motivation.  Our motives can be in service to a higher good, or they can be in service to ourselves alone.

When motivation is aligned with inspiration, miracles can happen.  But when it is not, we will find ourselves feeling out of sync.  Inspiration (a higher calling) without motivation (the will to act on it) leaves us feeling stagnant, stuck, and/or unfulfilled.   When we refuse to answer our calls to greatness and play small instead, it is often because we have let our fear and doubt get the better of us.   Though we may be very busy, we will likely feel as though we are not accomplishing anything of great significance.  Motivation serves us best when it works through obstacles in our own thinking that get in the way of acting on our inspiration. 

Motivation without inspiration feels a lot like driving a car without power steering or trying to run through mud.  It requires a lot of effort and strength and leaves us feeling exhausted.  When motivation serves a higher purpose (that provided by inspiration), the load is lightened and the way becomes clear.  But when the object of our desire is one that derives solely from our ego’s need for things like power, prestige, control, approval, or wealth, the push of motivation is not aligned with the pull of inspiration and we stray off course.  That’s when things get difficult – we may feel as though we are exerting a lot of effort but not really getting anywhere. 

Sometimes our motivation and inspiration begin in alignment and then gradually become disconnected.  We start out feeling in sync, making great progress and experiencing a state of flow, and then we hit a bump in the road.  The bump may be a fear or some other kind of assumption that we need to examine and disempower before we can move on.  Or, it may be that we simply need to wait awhile. 

Inspiration comes from a higher source – one that sees a bigger picture than we do.  Sometimes there will be delays that we do not understand.  Our egos can become impatient and steal the show – trying to push through these barriers with sheer force and exhausting us and everyone around us in the process.  And once our egos are in charge, things have a way of deteriorating.  Our motivation (or motive) mutates from being in service to a greater good to being in service to ourselves – or some ego need.

It can be tough to discern what kind of action (or inaction) is required when we encounter an impasse.   But if we get quiet, we can tap our source of inner wisdom to find the answers we need.   When we purify our motives (motivation) so that they are in service to a higher calling (inspiration) we get back on the path that leads to greatest fulfillment for ourselves and everyone around us.  And using motivation to remove the blocks that stand in our way will ensure that we actually make progress on that path and bring our greatness into the world in a way that inspires others to do the same.

My new book, The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be is about getting back to the basics of who you really are, what you are here to accomplish, and how you can unearth your greatness in a way that inspires others to do the same.  It will be released on 1/11/11.      I will also be working with a small group of eight people to lead them through this process (based on the book) as well.  A few spots still remain.  We’ll meet at my office in Phoenix every other Thursday from 11:30am to 1:00pm from 1/13/11 through 6/16/11.  For more information, go to www.DianeBolden.com/AIAL.html.  Contact me at Diane@DianeBolden.com if you are interested in participating.  The cost is $900 ($75 a session) and payment plans are available.

Become a subscriber at  www.DianeBolden.com and receive my free report:  Ten Traps Leaders Unwittingly Set for Themselves…and How to Avoid Them.

Though comments are currently closed, please feel free to email me at Diane@DianeBolden.com with your feedback, questions and thoughts.  Have a specific challenge you’d like to see a post written about?  Let me know.  I’d love to hear from you!

“Every master was once a disaster.”

I heard someone say that the other day in a yoga class.  It gave me comfort.  Because I am all too familiar with that awkward, humbling stage that comes with learning something new – when you want to run with the stallions but feel more like a donkey.  It’s a universal phenomenon, really.  Ralph Waldo Emerson reminds us that “Every artist was once an amateur.”

 We can all learn a lot about our paths to proficiency by looking at the ways in which we have mastered things over the course of our lives – whether it be how to drive a car, play our favorite sport, or take up a new hobby.  Today, as I was finishing my yoga class, I realized how my experiences on my yoga mat mirror those in my life – and how I can transfer my learnings from one arena to the other.  For what it’s worth, I thought I’d share a few of my insights.

(1) There is power in persistent practice.   Every once in awhile a yoga instructor demonstrates a pose that evokes a “you’ve got to be kidding” response from me.  I always give it a try, and usually the first time I do I look a lot like I feel – completely inept.  There is one pose that I have recently dreaded and just about every time I’ve gone to yoga for the last few weeks, this instructor builds it into the class.  Ugh.  Not again.  But I muster up my strength and give it a shot every time, and I have to say it gradually has become less and less onerous to me.  This morning I was actually able to hold the pose – it was only for a few seconds – but I did it!  And I realize the more I practice, the better I will get at that and the easier and more fun it will become. 

Isn’t that like life, though?  Every day there are things you can sail through and then there will be those areas that require a lot of hard work, practice and patience before you can feel even the least bit effective.  But if you keep at it, one day you will surprise yourself with how far you have come.  And everything that led up to that point will be worth it. 

(2) Learn from and admire others, but don’t compare yourself to them.  Sometimes this is a thin line.  As a novice, you need to watch people perform so that you can see how things are done.  And even as you get pretty good, you can still learn a lot from others’ examples.  But the minute you begin to compare yourself, you will lose your focus and dilute your effectiveness.  This is true regardless of whether comparing yourself to others makes you feel inferior or superior.  Let me explain.

In yoga, when I watch someone do something to get the proper technique and admire their grace, I can pick up a few tips and then concentrate on getting into my zone so I can do what I need to in the way I need to do it.  But the minute I look over at the person next to me to see if I’m doing better or worse, I lose my balance and fall down.  I have learned that the same thing holds true in my personal and professional life as well.

When we gauge how well we are doing by comparing ourselves to others, the energy and focus that is required to perform effectively becomes scattered.  When you believe you are not measuring up, the confidence that is vital to your success gets sapped.  And if you do not believe you can do something, you will inevitably prove yourself right.  On the other end of the spectrum, when you believe you are outperforming others and become a little too smug, your confidence can turn into arrogance which shifts your focus from what you are doing to how others are perceiving you.  And anything that is more focused on appearances than substance lacks foundation and eventually crumbles. 

The best of the best gain their confidence from within – as a product of their effort, focus, and the results that come with effort and focus.  They don’t need to compare themselves to other to know that they are good – or to know that they can get even better.

(3) Lighten up and have some fun.  In yoga, the instructors are quick to remind people that falling over is par for the course and that the important thing is to just keep on trying – and to play at it.  The people in those classes who seem so good at yoga that they could be teaching the class themselves are the first to tell you about how many times they fell over or how long it took them to get to where they are.  And they will also tell you that they still fall occasionally.  Why?  Because once you master something in yoga, there is always a way to deepen the pose or increase the level of difficulty.  But when you challenge your balance and fall out of it, you learn what you need to do to stay in it longer next time.  That’s how mastery happens.

The same thing is true in life.  When we get all balled up in knots trying to make things perfect and avoiding every possible misstep, we risk becoming stagnant and playing small.  Getting too attached to the results leads us to stiffen up and become consumed with needing things to happen in the exact way we want them to.  Without flexibility, we lose our ability to bend and make the necessary course corrections that allow us to ultimately excel.  If you ever look at the top performers in any industry, sport, or artistic endeavor you will notice that accompanying their intensity is an ability to relax into their game in such a way that it appears easy and natural.  The ability to play at work is another mark of the master.

(4) Replenish yourself regularly.  My favorite part of yoga is the last five minutes of each class.  They call it Shivasana.  It’s where the previous fifty to eighty minutes of stretching, strengthening and balancing give way to lying flat on your back relaxing every muscle of your body.  It is in these last few moments of the class, the instructors will tell you, that all the benefits of the practice take root.  In these moments, the mind becomes clear, and stress and tension melt away.  The end result is a feeling of freshness and revitalized energy that lasts throughout the day. 

In our frenetic lives, it is easy to forget about the importance of pausing every once in awhile to make the most of our experiences – whether by giving ourselves a needed break, or simply taking a moment to assess where we are going, to what degree we are still on course, and what, if any, course corrections are necessary.  Being willing to invest our precious time into replenishing ourselves in this way pays handsome dividends – and sometimes the times we think we can’t afford to slow down are in fact the times we cannot afford not to. 

My new book, The Pinocchio Principle: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be is about getting back to the basics of who you really are, what you are here to accomplish, and how you can unearth your greatness in a way that inspires others to do the same.  It is now available on Amazon. 

Picture by Vvvstep from Dreamstime.com.

Do you ever feel as though your life is just one big to do list that never gets completed?

Well, if you do you’re not alone.  Many of us feel as though a starting gun goes off at the beginning of the day and the hours that follow seem a lot like a marathon with no finish line.  Some spend their nights dreaming of the things they worked on during the day or what has yet to be done.  And others lie awake thinking about it.  It reminds me of the poor guy in Greek mythology, Sisyphus, who was condemned to roll a great boulder to the top of a hill only to have it roll back down just before he reached the summit. 

I was feeling this way recently, and in the midst of the craze I was aware of a longing to escape from the tyranny I had created for myself.  And it really is a self created tyranny. So much of our lives is dictated by the habits and patterns we fall into and the way we think about things.  The danger is when we become so tangled up in routines and thoughts that we forget that we are the ones who created them.  A good coach can help you pinpoint the underlying patterns that are the root of the anxiety you are experiencing – so that you can take steps to alleviate your suffering.   And with practice, we can all learn to do this for ourselves as well.

I don’t know if I have this whole thing licked just yet, but I believe I’m making progress.  I thought it might be helpful to share the process I went through.  Though the solution I came up with may not be the right one for you, the process itself may help you find one that is a perfect fit. 

(1)  GET A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE. 

When you get to that point where you feel something’s got to give, the most powerful thing you can do is find a way to pull yourself up and out for a bit – so that instead of being immersed in your pattern, you can simply observe it.  I noticed that I was in a continual state of churning — so preoccupied with wanting to keep working at things on my list that I had little patience for anything else that required my attention, including my kids.  I was acting in a way that was inconsistent with my true values.  And I didn’t like what I saw. 

It became apparent that I was having trouble shifting gears from achieving my work related goals to giving energy to other equally important parts of my life.  I realized the pressure I was experiencing to finish everything before I could attend to what was next was largely self imposed.  What I really want is to experience a sense of ease and lightness in the things that I do — to enjoy not just the outcome, but also the process of achieving my goals and living my life itself – all areas of my life.   

(2)  CREATE A SYSTEM THAT SUPPORTS YOUR NEW PERSPECTIVE. 

Ask yourself the question, what do I need to do to align my actions with my new way of thinking?  What new habits or patterns can I create that will better serve me?  I had to remind myself that finishing everything on my to do list is a pipe dream that only leads to disappointment.  I remembered my own advice to clients – use your never ending “to do” list as a “maybe I’ll do list” so that your mind can rest in knowing that nothing is going to fall through the cracks.  With that in mind, I created the following system for myself:

• Each day, I identify a list of my top three to five priority tasks from my “maybe I’ll do list” as well as some additional items that would be great to do but okay to leave undone if necessary.  I enter these things on a “THINGS TO DO TODAY” list on my calendar in an appointment slot at the beginning of the day.  I also create a “THINGS I DID TODAY” entry as an appointment slot at the end of the day.
•  Throughout the day, as I accomplish things, I transfer them from my “THINGS TO DO” list to my “THINGS I DID” list, and take delight as the former list gets smaller while the latter grows larger.  (It’s even a bigger thrill for me than checking a box!)
•  At the end of the day I spend twenty minutes to stop, assess and plan for the next day.  I acknowledge myself for what I have completed.  I look at what remains on my “THINGS TO DO LIST” for that day and transfer any incomplete items to my  ”THINGS TO DO” list for the next day (which leaves my THINGS TO DO list for that day blank and gives me a feeling of closure  - woo hoo!).  I take a look at my calendar and my “maybe I’ll do list”  to assess what my priorities are for the following day and add them to the next day’s list.  Then I clean off my desk and go pick up my kids.

 Granted, there will be days where all heck breaks loose and I’m unable to follow my system the way I’ve planned it.  And that’s OK.  The more I follow it, the more engrained and natural it will become.  My goal is to change my feeling of being out of control to become more intentional and conscious about the way I use my time.  So any little change will be progress.  I encourage you to be kind to yourself as you endeavor to change your habits and patterns as well.

(3) BEGIN WITH THE END IN MIND

You can start this before you go to bed at night.  Envision yourself waking with energy, enthusiasm and inspiration.  I like to take a quick glance at my “THINGS TO DO LIST” for the next day with gratitude that I will have everything I need to accomplish it.  I believe this allows my subconscious mind to begin working on things while I sleep – which will potentially  lead to new insights when I awaken. 

As you begin your day,  get very clear on what you’d like to experience by day’s end — and every moment in between and see if you can experience that state before you even begin.  See if you can remember the last time you were in your productive zone, where you accomplished more than you thought possible.  Move into that feeling and replicate it for yourself.  If you find yourself becoming anxious, stressed, or slipping into old patterns, come back to your intention and desired perspective,  take a deep breath and let it inform your action.

The important thing is to tap into your inner genius to find the answers you most need.  I’ve found this to be so important that I’ve written a book about it.  It’s called The Pinocchio Principle ~ Being Real: Becoming the Leader You Were Born to Be and it will be released on 1/11/11.  I’ve also decided to work with a small group of eight people to lead them through this process (based on the book) as well.  A few spots still remain.  We’ll meet at my office in Phoenix for 90 minutes twice a month for a period of six months, beginning in January.  Contact me at Diane@DianeBolden.com if you are interested in participating.  The cost is $900 ($75 a session) and payment plans are available.

Stay tuned for more information and subscribe to my free monthly ezine at www.DianeBolden.com to hear about free upcoming events, videos and teleseminars.

Though comments are currently closed, please feel free to email me at Diane@DianeBolden.com with your feedback, questions and thoughts.  Have a specific challenge you’d like to see a post written about?  Let me know.  I’d love to hear from you!