Diane Bolden’s Synchronistically Speaking

“Intuition will tell the thinking mind where to look next.”  ~ Jonas Salk

I have been marveling a lot lately over the power of the internet.  I feel so old when I explain to my kids that when I was in school, doing a research paper meant spending hours in a library pouring over books and periodicals to get the required information.  Now, all they need to complete their papers and projects is a computer that has internet access.  The idea that you can tap into a vast reservoir of data, selectively identify what you want to read about, and have it delivered to your screen in a matter of seconds is truly amazing.  And now, it’s so commonplace that most of us no longer really think all that much about it – we just expect it.

And then I began to realize that this process of connecting to something bigger is not unlike what we do when we move from using logical, analytical thought to a more intuitive knowing – going from our heads to our guts. When we are in our heads, we utilize the data that we can see, feel, touch, hear, and taste.  It’s a lot like being in a library or using a computer that is off line – we only have access to the data that is stored in the immediate vicinity – much of which can be irrelevant or outdated.  And we often have to do a lot of manual work to get it.  We spend a lot of time trying to figure stuff out and make things happen the way we think they should.  When they don’t, we tend to get frustrated, try harder to get everything to fit, and ultimately feel as though we just keep hitting walls.  The frustration can lead us to cut ourselves off even more from our intuition, which like the internet, has access to far greater things than what we might realize.

When we access our intuition, we hook up to knowledge that goes beyond what we can immediately see, feel, hear, touch or taste. We can access information that links us to others – which allows us to feel connected to them – to hear not only the words they are saying, but also what they are not saying but feeling.  We can access information that is in the realm of possibilities – about opportunities that are all around us and what we might need to do to leverage and act on them.  We can also access warnings about options that are not in our best interest or will lead us to experience something that is not aligned with where we most want to go.  When we are in our heads, we are inclined to resist or overlook these promptings because they are not “rational” or explainable.

I believe that  our connection to something greater than ourselves allows us to not only receive data, but also to send it – in much the same way we do a search on the internet. When we are in need of a given piece of data, we enter a search term and then receive a variety of links that give us more information about that subject.  Similarly, when we decide on an overarching intention, like wanting clarity, peace, or a mutually satisfying resolution to conflict or challenge, we send a signal to the vast field beyond our heads that gathers information and energy aligned with that intention and brings it into our awareness. We access a field of infinite creativity and wisdom from which some of the greatest inventions and ideas of our time originated.

For some people the information delivered via intuition is easily decoded, like words on a screen.  But for most of us, it is delivered in the form of an inkling, a feeling or a strong prompting to do one thing or another.  Or perhaps it might come in the form of a sign or object that takes on increased meaning – or an experience that in some way relays information, like seeing a movie or having a conversation with another person that is somehow related to our inquiry or intention. When we act on these promptings, things have a way of falling into place such that our intention comes to pass.

Unlike our computers, I believe we are always connected to this larger field, whether we want to be or not.  When we acknowledge and rely on this connection, keeping our thoughts focused on what we want most in life, we will experience a sense of flow, peace and deep satisfaction that comes from experiences we draw to ourselves that match those thoughts. When we fail to recognize the power of this connection, and allow our minds to become consumed with frustration, doubt, anxiety and fear, this same dynamic seems to draw to us additional data, experiences and challenges that match our state of mind – and we find ourselves mired deeper and deeper in frustration.

So the next time you catch yourself feeling anxious  or stressed about anything – frustrated over not being able to solve a problem, resolve a conflict, address an emerging issue or challenge – make a conscious decision to move from your head to your gut, and then balance the two.   Decide what you want to experience and let that be your guiding intention. Your gut intuition will allow you access to ideas and possibilities that are just outside the boundaries of your mind, and your head will help you process and act on that information in a way that brings you the results you desire.

Copyright Synchronistics Coaching & Consulting 2010.  All rights reserved.

If you liked this post, you may enjoy other articles written about Boosting Creativity, Productivity & Effectiveness. Download these and others for free at www.DianeBolden.com/solutions.  While you are there, you can subscribe to receive a new feature article each month.  You will also receive my free report on 10 Traps Leaders Unwittingly Create for Themselves – and How to Avoid Them.

The other day I was working from my home office when I noticed a man in my back yard.   I figured perhaps he was a meter reader from the utility company and went over to the window to get a better look.  He was wearing shorts, a t-shirt, and a large straw hat whose wide brim angled toward the ground.  In his hand was what looked like a window washer with a squeegee on the end.  He looked all around our back yard, glanced over to the back fence, and then proceeded out our front gate.  An unsettling feeling came over me as I began to realize there was a very good possibility this man had no business on our property.

I watched as he walked over to a maroon minivan and slouched into the driver’s seat with the door open, waiting, his foot kicked up and resting on the open window.  Peering out my living room window, I strained to see if I could make out the license plate.  The letters were fuzzy and I couldn’t quite discern them.  So I grabbed an envelope to take to the mailbox thinking that from there I could get a better look and scribble down the letters and numbers on the paper.  As I walked toward the end of the driveway, the man quickly closed the car door, started up the engine and drove away.  I began to run – trying one more time to get a look at the license plate, but the car just went faster.

My heart was beating wildly. I sent emails to my neighbors  encouraging them to make sure their gates, doors and windows were locked and to be on the lookout for the red van that I saw.  A few minutes later, I settled back into my study only to glance out the window and see the red van again – this time across the street, with the door propped open, and the same man I saw in my back yard sitting in the driver’s seat waiting.

Still looking out the window, I picked up the phone and dialed 911. I did my best to describe the man to the dispatcher and relay the details of my experience and felt a wave of relief when I saw two squad cars roll up behind the van.  A policeman walked over to the man and the two of them talked.  A few minutes later the officer called to inform me that the man in my back yard was from the irrigation service that comes twice a month to open and close the valve that brings water into our yard.

And then I felt the sting of embarrassment and humiliation followed by feelings of regret and sympathy for this poor man who was just interrogated by the police while doing his job in triple digit heat in Phoenix, Arizona.  Compounding my  foolishness was the fact that my husband and I have actually met this man and had a conversation with him.  He was warm and kind and gave us advice on how to properly irrigate our back yard after having some work done there.  I even remembered that his name was Tom.

As the police got back into their cars I walked across the street to thank them and apologize to Tom.  “I am so sorry,” I told him sheepishly.  “I didn’t recognize you and I was scared.”  Tom’s mouth widened into a smile that revealed a few teeth missing.  He laughed as he told me, “You wouldn’t believe how many times people have called the police on me.  Don’t worry about it.“  It was then that I realized that  the window washer I thought he was holding in his hand was actually an irrigation tool.  I explained to him that what really alarmed me was that he drove away as I was running after him.  Turns out he never even saw me – just realized that he was starved and had exactly five minutes to run and get something to eat before the next valve had to be closed.

We had a very nice conversation in the minutes that followed.   His eyes sparkled as we talked about his work, his three sons – one of which was having a birthday that day, and his relaxed, let life happen as it comes philosophy.   As I walked back toward my house, I realized the power our fearful stories have over our behavior and the way things play themselves out in our lives.  I had experienced firsthand the distortion of reality caused by faulty information my mind filled the blanks in with as a result of my fear and panic.  I took very few data points and wove them together to create a worst case scenario that had me acting as though it was true.  And none of it had to do with Tom himself – only the story I created based on what I was believing about my limited observations.

I can’t help thinking about how that dynamic plays itself out every day of our lives.  We all take in limited information and we all create stories about what it means. Most of us tend to operate as though those stories are true.    And other people do the same thing when it comes to their observations of us.  It was a wonderful reminder to always entertain the thought that perhaps I don’t always have all the pieces of the picture or every detail relevant to the story.

It also made me realize the importance of not taking personally the sometimes perplexing or inexplicable reactions others may have to me – to keep an open mind, and an open heart, like Tom did. To remember that things aren’t always what they seem – and people are not always who we think they are.  And to entertain the possibility that at any moment circumstances can change from being frightful to delightful - if I am willing to look beyond what my eyes and my mind are telling me to see what is really there.

Copyright Synchronistics Coaching & Consulting 2010.  All rights reserved.

If you liked this post, you may enjoy other articles written about Navigating Through Change, Challenge & Uncertainty. Download these and others for free at www.DianeBolden.com/solutions.  While you are there, you can subscribe to receive a new feature article each month.  You will also receive my free report on 10 Traps Leaders Unwittingly Create for Themselves – and How to Avoid Them.

“When nothing is sure, everything is possible.” ~ Margaret Drabble

I came across the above quote some time ago and it has become one of my favorites.  In fact, I was just sharing it recently with a client who is in the midst of uncertainty.  And he is not alone.  So many of us are finding that things that used to be fairly stable have suddenly become chaotic and unpredictable.  Whether it is an organizational restructuring, relocation, ending one job and looking for or starting another, or just plain everyday hiccups that throw our daily routines for a loop – just about every one of us can identify with having our worlds shaken or even turned upside down.

When things like that happen, it can be quite disorienting and unsettling.  Change seems to be easier for some people than others.  It is easiest when we are the ones doing the changing.  The tough stuff catches us by surprise.  And when it does, we often become fixated on the discomfort it creates.  It can be like someone pulled the rug out from under you and you have to shuffle to regain your footing on a surface that you are unfamiliar with. 

SO WHAT.  NOW WHAT?

Years ago, a friend of mine gave me a refrigerator magnet upon which the words “So what.  Now what?” are written.  These simple words have such great wisdom.  They point the way that allows us to rise above our self pity and access the wisdom to intuitively make the choices necessary to rise above whatever circumstances we find ourselves in.  So what.  So what if things didn’t go the way we planned?  So what if we were beset with unfortunate occurrences? Rather than spending our time and energy trying to find out why, why not focus it into what we will do next? 

Rather than looking at what we have lost, we can look at what we still have – and at what, if anything the current experience has to teach us.  Rather than becoming resentful and preoccupied with remorse, regret or anger and frustration at the way things have happened and the way we or others have handled them, we can start anew – right now, shifting our focus from what should be happening to what could be.  What will we choose right now, in this moment?  If we pause long enough, allowing our minds to become still, we will find that we have all the answers we need.  And if even one of us can find the courage to do this, others, seeing the peace that comes from acts of faith this introspection tends to inspire, will follow.

When people we care about experience hardships, we do them very little good by lavishing them with sympathy, conspiring in their rebellion against a course of events that have already taken place.  This insurgence does little to help them unless at the core of their rage they find the impetus to rise above their anger rather than react from within it.  Our pity reduces them to helpless victims who believe they have cause to lament and despise what they have come to believe is a cruel universe.  No good will ever come from actions taken with such a mindset.  

Instead, we can help them to shift their focus on what has taken place (the past) to what they can do about it (the present).  Rather than commiserating in woeful stories, we can help them to recognize the opportunities present in every challenge and to seize them with vitality and courage.  Setbacks can then become platforms from which we and our loved ones can dive into our true natures – discovering ourselves to be far greater than we thought we were.  This is what the great leaders throughout the history of the world have done that enabled people, countries, even nations to prosper under great adversity.  We have the opportunity to do this every day, both for ourselves and others.

Copyright Synchronistics Coaching & Consulting 2010.  All rights reserved.

This post includes an excerpt from my upcoming book, The Pinocchio Principle – Becoming Real: Authentic Leadership for the 21st Century, which will be released later this year. 

If you liked this post, you may enjoy other articles written about Navigating Through Change, Challenge & Uncertainty.  Download these and others for free at www.DianeBolden.com/solutions.  While you are there, you can subscribe to receive a new feature article each month.  You will also receive my free report on 10 Traps Leaders Unwittingly Create for Themselves – and How to Avoid Them.

“Wisdom begins in wonder.” ~ Socrates

I can’t tell you how many clients I’ve worked with over the course of my career who believe that to be a credible, strong leader, you must come across as infallible, having all the answers – being rock solid.  Newer leaders often feel as though they do not have a lot to offer in meetings and other gatherings because they do not know much yet.  Out of fear of being exposed as someone who is not on top of their game, many times they remain silent – when in actuality the questions they would otherwise ask out of sheer curiosity and desire to learn could become the very impetus the organization needs to see things with fresh eyes and recognize opportunities they previously missed.

On the other extreme, I occasionally meet with people who on the face of things have it all together.  They are poised, polished, and seemingly the picture of perfection.  And they are often stumped at why they have been unable to motivate and inspire their people to new levels of performance and success.  Initially, I sometimes find it difficult to connect to people like this and often go on to learn while gathering feedback for them that others do too. 

I think it’s because the rock solid persona they project is rarely a true representation of who they really are. And before you can engage the hearts and minds of others as visionary leaders do, you must be able to connect with them – and they must feel a connection to you.

The problem with needing to have a bullet proof image is that very few, if any, people in this world are really “bullet proof”.  In fact, if ever there were a trait or characteristic that is shared by virtually the whole human race, it is that we all have fears, insecurities and misgivings.  We all make mistakes.  We all know far less than we would like to or even have the capacity for.  These things that make us humble and vulnerable connect us to each other in profound ways that are often overlooked and/or unacknowledged.

Think of the people in your life who have inspired you over the years.  Maybe it was someone close to you – like a parent, teacher, or coach.  Or perhaps it was a public or historical figure.  If you try to identify the qualities in that person that really made an impact on you, it is likely not so much what they achieved in life as what they had to overcome in order to do it – disappointment, failure, challenge, fear, perhaps even an illness or handicap of some kind.

So it seems there may be something to gain by allowing these little things we have been conditioned to hide from each other to be a bit more visible.  First of all, takes a lot of pressure off of you.  When we learn to take ourselves a little less seriously and give ourselves permission to not know everything, we move beyond worrying so much about what everyone else thinks of us to be truly present with other people – to really listen to them, to be curious about their unique perspectives, ideas, and insights.  The emphasis goes from having to showcase our knowledge, competence and stature to learning from others and helping them to feel valued and appreciated. 

Secondly, when we are less guarded about our fears, misgivings and challenges, we realize that these things are nothing to be ashamed of.  Because in spite of them, we have risen up to the challenges in our lives.  And sometimes the most inspiring thing we can do for others is help them to realize that though they are in the thick of their own fear, they too can find something within them that will allow them to bounce back or rise up – to recognize a strength they didn’t realize they had – and to use it in a way that truly benefits not just themselves, but everyone around them.

Copyright Synchronistics Coaching & Consulting 2010.  All rights reserved.

If you liked this post, you may enjoy other articles written about Inspiring Yourself and Others.  Download these and others for free at www.DianeBolden.com/solutions.  While you are there, you can subscribe to receive a new feature article each month.  You will also receive my free report on 10 Traps Leaders Unwittingly Create for Themselves – and How to Avoid Them.