Diane Bolden’s Synchronistically Speaking

At the beginning of each of my Transformations in Leadership workshops, I ask participants to think of a leader that they admire and would like to emulate.  Each person then shares with the group what it is about the chosen leader that makes him or her stand out.  Some of the participants select historical figures, some modern day civic leaders, athletes, musicians or public figures.  Many talk about a current or previous boss they’ve had.  And still others will speak of a teacher, a coach or a parent.  The interesting thing about the ensuing discussion about the impressive qualities of these leaders is that it is almost never about what leaders do or have done, but rather WHO THEY ARE. 

 Some of the descriptions that repeatedly top the lists include “honest,” “authentic,” “courageous,” “inspiring,” “sees the best in others and believes in them,” “has vision,” “shows and earns trust and respect,” “communicates directly,” “not afraid to make mistakes,” “humble,”  “connects with people, regardless of title or position,” “walks their talk,” “builds a strong team,” “develops others,” “shares credit,” and the list goes on. 

I began my career teaching people classes on how to lead – on subjects like how to create and communicate a compelling vision, how to delegate, set goals, provide performance feedback, resolve conflict, etc.  What I have realized over the years is that the extraordinary leaders are not necessarily the ones who have mastered all these techniques.  They are the ones who have the ability to speak to our hearts as well as our minds, and to awaken something in people that lies dormant, waiting to emerge.  They then nurture and focus it into the creation of something that makes the organization (or the world) a better place for everyone.  Great leaders learn to do this by first doing it for themselves.  The rest they pick up along the way.

Leadership strategies, tools and techniques fall flat unless the people who employ them have strong personal foundations.  Extraordinary leaders have learned over the years who they are and they bring the best of themselves to whatever they are doing.  Much of their wisdom has come from making mistakes and recovering from them in a way that allows others to benefit.  They refuse to be something they are not and have the courage to take a stand.  They care deeply about others, but are independent of the good opinion of others, and therefore are free to be themselves. 

The best of the leaders, regardless of the role, title, or vocation, bring out the best in people.  Often they see things in others before they are able to see it in themselves.  From this space, their interaction and communication is always with the person one is becoming – the strong, capable, smart, willing, and resilient contributor who then becomes instrumental in translating vision into reality.  The extraordinary leader knows that anything less than this is an illusion.  Great leaders do not make their people great.  They simply help others to see the possibilities and invite them to the table.  They present us with a vision and a choice and create the space within which we can show up and grow.  The rest, of course, is always up to us. 

Copyright Synchronistics Coaching & Consulting 2010.  All rights reserved.

If you liked this post, you may also enjoy Leadership Lit Up, and Igniting a Spark and Fanning the Flames.  Download these and other articles for free at www.DianeBolden.com/articles. While you are there, you can subscribe to receive a new feature article each month.  You will also receive my free report on 10 Traps Leaders Unwittingly Create for Themselves – and How to Avoid Them.

A few weeks ago in a karate class I heard a marvelous Zen story that spoke to the incessant yearning we all feel from time to time to be more, do more, and have more.  This desire at times gives us the strength we need to power through some of life’s most imposing obstacles.  At other times, it has a way of creating obstacles of its own.  How can we use our aspirations in ways that work for us, and help others in the process?  That is the subject of an article called The Art of Affluence that I wrote for my February ezine.  Below is an excerpt with a link to the full article.  I hope you enjoy it!

A wise master was walking along the sandy banks of a lazy river, breathing deeply, enjoying the feel of sunshine on his skin, and taking in the beauty all around him.  Just across the river one of his students was walking anxiously back and forth, scanning the perimeter of the river and the surrounding land.  When the student saw his master, he began waving his arms and shouting, “Master! Master!”  The Master looked up and waited silently for his student to continue.  “Master,” said his student, “How do I get to the other side?”  The master simply replied, “You are already there!”

One of the many things this Zen story speaks to is the desire we all have to be more, do more, and have more.   And one thing people throughout history can’t ever seem to get enough of is money. 

Wealth has been used as a scorecard for success throughout the ages.  From its conception, its lure has led many to do things that are not in the best interests of others.  We have been conditioned to believe that it is the key to freedom, happiness, and security.   People often take jobs that are not truly aligned with their talents because they fear that without them, they will not have the money they need to satisfy their basic needs.  Many seek positions of leadership because of the increased pay it has to offer and all the things they could buy as a result. 

Money has also allowed organizations and people to expand their level of influence, improve the quality of services and products they offer, and attract key talent that will allow their visions to become  reality.  It allows programs to be created and perpetuated that improve the quality of life within communities and the world at large.  It pays our bills and puts food on the table.  And it allows us to travel and buy things of beauty and utility that can become the source of inspiration and joy.

There is nothing wrong with wealth, just as there is nothing wrong with prestige, power or pride.  The key is the manner in which these needs are met, and where the desire for them originates.  If the aspiration is for a greater purpose – one that is not solely self serving, the desire is aligned with a higher good and the resulting outcome will be as well. 

If the motive is not in the best interests of others, it is more aligned with ego and likely to lead to objectionable behavior, such as greed, envy, insensitivity, arrogance, and paranoia.  Those who attain what they seek in an effort to serve others are far more likely to sustain it.  Those whose motives and tactics are more aligned with serving themselves alone will live in fear of the inevitable loss of their fleeting success. 

Often people are drawn to formal positions of leadership for what they have to offer – power, control, prestige, and higher pay.  These things feed the ego, which would have us believe our inherent value is equated with them and that the more we have, do or achieve, the more successful we are.  The problem is that no matter how much power, control, prestige, and money we acquire, it never seems to be enough.  Life becomes a series of races, battles, and games to be won with little time left to savor the victories, which are often short lived.  Click here for the full article. 

If you’d like to receive new articles each month as soon as they are published, go to www.DianeBolden.com to subscribe.  You will also receive my free report on 10 Traps Leaders Unwittingly Create for Themselves – and How to Avoid Them.

Copyright Synchronistics Coaching & Consulting 2010.  All rights reserved.

One morning my six year old daughter spotted some old clothes she had outgrown sitting on a high shelf in her closet.  On the top of the pile were a pair of sparkly tennis shoes she used to love.  Seeing them up there reignited her adoration and she insisted on wearing them to school.  Knowing they were a couple sizes too small, I told her she could wear them around the house for awhile instead. 

She did, along with a soft pink sweater whose long sleeves were now almost to her elbows.  Watching her cram her little feet into those even littler shoes reminded me of the stepsisters in the story of Cinderella.  A fiercely determined and somewhat stubborn child, she shoved and pulled until she finally got both heels into the shoes along with her poor little toes which were likely crammed into a small ball.  When she stood up, the sweater revealed her belly button.  “Look Mom,” she proudly shouted, “They still fit!”

I smiled and went on with my morning routine while she ran through the house, stopping every once in a while to play with something she found interesting.  After about ten minutes, I walked into the kitchen to see my daughter disgustedly fling the shoes in opposite directions across the room.  “Mom, those shoes hurt me!” she complained.  “And I don’t like this sweater anymore either.”

“Sweetheart, that’s because you’ve grown since you last wore them.  You’re a bigger girl now.”  I explained.  “Do you grow out of your clothes too?” she asked.  I thought about my jeans which had been fitting a little tighter since Christmas, but decided not to go there.  “Well, once you get to be as old as Mommy, you’re body doesn’t really grow much,” I answered. 

 Hours after she left for school I reflected on that conversation and the experience my young daughter had shared with me.  I realized that though my body isn’t growing anymore (with the occasionally unfortunate exception of my waist and hips), the rest of me still is.  I think all of us are in some way. 

The more we cling to that which we have outgrown, the more painful the experience becomes until, as my daughter learned, the discomfort of wearing the old stuff becomes greater than that of letting it go.  And I mused that there have been times in my life where I’ve inflicted quite a bit of pain on myself out of fear of letting go and moving onto something new and roomier.  I have clients, family members and friends who have done the same thing. 

Sometimes when change comes we resist it because we fear that it will require too much effort to adapt, or that it will land us in a place where we are unequipped to handle whatever is coming next.  Paradoxically, my experience has been that the resistance itself can create far more pain than the new experience. 

Having children is a great example.  With each child, my life changed dramatically.  My daughter was our third – causing my husband and me to be outnumbered and effectively thrusting our household into a chaos that we have learned to roll with over the years.  Any creation you give birth to is bound to do the same thing.  But it will also bring you greater joy than you ever could have imagined.

To allow ourselves to experience all the magic these new opportunities and challenges bring, we need to do what we can to avoid tightening up and blocking ourselves from the experience.  Even the act of childbirth itself becomes more painful when the muscles involved contract in different directions in response to fear.  Having had three opportunities to experience this phenomenon, I can tell you that learning to relax and allow the muscles to work together in harmony makes all the difference in the world.  And I believe the same is true with life itself.

What is trying to happen in your life right now?  And what can you do to give yourself fully to the experience? 

Copyright Synchronistics Coaching & Consulting 2010.  All rights reserved.

If you liked this post, you may also enjoy Room to Grow, It’s a Stretch and Changing Tides.  Download these and other articles for free at www.DianeBolden.com/articles. While you are there, you can subscribe to receive a new feature article each month.  You will also receive my free report on 10 Traps Leaders Unwittingly Create for Themselves – and How to Avoid Them.

Some of the most memorable performances I’ve had the opportunity to enjoy have been Springsteen concerts.  The boss.  I’ve stood in the sold out stadiums before the show started along with thousands of other people waiting eagerly for the music – and the magic – to begin.  

And Springsteen really does create magic.  In a matter of minutes, he seems to effortlessly transform the entire building and everyone in it into a kind of portal that vibrates with possibility, energy, and spirit.  Throughout the rest of the evening, he takes his audience right into the music with him and allows everyone to become a part of it.  I have never left a Springsteen concert feeling anything less than incredibly inspired and somehow renewed – as though some part of me I didn’t even know I had woke up while I was there and begged to be released into the world.

The last time I saw Bruce in concert I was musing over the fact that he, like all of us, has at one time or another most likely ordered a hamburger at a fast food joint or stood in line at the grocery store.  And I reveled over what it would be like to be standing there behind him – perhaps before he recognized his own inner genius and believed in it enough to write and record the music that would inspire others to give life to their own. 

Would I know that I was standing in the presence of greatness?  Could I somehow feel it?  Or would I move through the rest of my day unaware of how close I’d come to magic?

And then I began to wonder about the people I actually do stand in line behind in the grocery store these days.  Who’s to say that one of them isn’t destined to touch the lives and transform the worlds of many as well with their own unique talents and passions?

In December of 2007, the Washington Post persuaded Joshua Bell, one of the finest classical musicians in the world to be part of a social experiment.  On a cold January morning, this internationally acclaimed virtuoso stood leaning against a wall next to a trash can in a Washington DC metro station with a baseball hat on his head playing some of the most intricate pieces ever written with a violin worth over $3 million dollars. 

Over the course of the forty five minutes that he played, a total of 1,097 people passed by this musician who only two days prior played a sold out theater in Boston’s Symphony Hall where the seats averaged $100.  Only seven people stopped and stayed – most of them only for a minute or two.  Twenty seven gave money, mostly change, for a total of $32 and some cents.  He ended each piece with no applause, no acknowledgement of his performance – or even his existence. 

If people could be in the presence of someone like Joshua Bell while he was performing without stopping to appreciate and savor it for even a moment, perhaps it is also feasible that we are in the presence of greatness every day in some way – without even knowing.  It could be in the person who serves you your morning coffee, the guy in the cubicle next to you, one of your own children.  Maybe it could even be the person who stares back at you in the mirror.

Copyright Synchronistics Coaching & Consulting 2010.  All rights reserved.

If you liked this post, you may also enjoy Leader, Know Thyself and Give Presence.  Download these and other articles for free at www.DianeBolden.com/articles.  While you are there, you can subscribe to receive a new feature article each month.  You will also receive my free report on 10 Traps Leaders Unwittingly Create for Themselves – and How to Avoid Them.